How to be a parent?

Is there a "Parenting For Dummies" book? If so, I should have bought that one a while ago. Here's what I have learned about children and it's worth a read (if not a penny :) ):

Buy them stuff lots and lots of stuff that seem to require lots and lots of batteries (thank god for Costco). (Note to self: create TGFC bumper stickers. To do item #4502)

I have to admit I was amazed that they let me take home my daughter -- I was the woman who could barely balance my check book, and budget was a dirty 6-letter word for me! Little did I realise the amount of time and effort and the lack of sleep that went into taking care of a baby. There were times when I wanted my mommy, but there was Isabella and Benjamin's first smiles (not gas! SMILES) and I melted into a pile of mommy mush. The mommy mush quickly resolved itself as I was faced with poopy diapers, teething, drooling and barely making it to the shower; if there was no entourage of flies following me around, that was a good day. :)

Seriously though, I was glad that I was able to be a stay-at-home mom because I would not have missed this for all the tea in China. I love being there when they discover things, and even when they are crying and just need Mommy. These are little memories that I hoard away like a miser hoarding gold because I know that one day in the not-to-distance future my babies will evolve into testy teenagers. We now have friends who are experiencing this phase and I am taking copious notes on how I will not put up with that kind of behavior (LOL). I remember my grandfather and parents mentioning that I was the source off most of their gray hairs -- is that a testament of things to come? ;)

How the stay-at-home parent thing came about? My husband and I decided that the one who was earning less money would be the one to stay home, so that was me. Let me tell you, going from DINK (dual income no kids) to OI2K (one income two kids) was an interesting experience with a lot of heated discussions about why I could not buy that adorable DKNY outfit for Isabella to go home in?!? It was cheap, relatively speaking - it only cost a couple of cans of formula and we could afford it, right? Holy cannoli - babies are not cheap! Between diapers, formula and clothes that it seems they wear for a minute, we were constantly trying to catch up on sleep.

But things get easier once they sleep through the night. We have a well-thumbed through copy of On Becoming Babywise, which is one of the best baby books out there. Like anything worth having, if there is no blood, sweat and tears involved, can you ever really appreciate it?

Our rule for sleeping babies is "You wakey, you takey" :-). I have honestly never worked so hard my entire life; if I had devoted this much time and energy to my job, Donald Trump would be working for me!

I think ultimately babies don't care if they have designer clothes or ride in the $800 stroller --baby throw-up looks the same on hand-me-downs as it does on the expensive stuff. Children want hugs, kisses, cuddles and love, and the last time I checked those were all free and in abundant supply.

Any time that you can spend with children is time well-spent and anyway, who cares if your dust bunnies are as big as their cousins in the garden? And that your furniture has a thick coating of dust? We call that an art project waiting to happen! Kids grow up so fast, and I guarantee you that they will remember the rainy day you spent playing in the fort under the dining room table more than that the furniture was always as clean as a museum.

I would like to thank

There is a popular saying about it taking a village to raise a child; I think that having a great support structure in place is vital to the survival of moms and dads anywhere. Being a parent and having to take care of your job and necessary everyday details can be stressful, so it's nice to know that there are people who you can count on to share that with.

• My husband (without whom this whole kid thing would not have even happened ;-) ), he is the best. As a dad, he rocks even my mom thinks he is one of the most patient, loving dads she has ever been around.


• My OB, Dr. Peter Wilbanks, and his fantastic staff , who always got back to me and managed to fit me into his crazy schedule even when he was working loonnnggg days.


• St. Mary's Hospital in Richmond VA - is the best!!!!!!


• My sister, who next to my husband has been my pillar of strength (even at 3:00 am in the morning). She listened to me, commiserated with me and also told me to get a grip when she thought I was being overly dramatic (who, me?!?)


• My parents who live in South Africa, but called often


• My mother and father in-law who were awesome. They live in NJ, and had to make the trip down to Richmond several times during my pregnancy to help out with everything on incredibly short notice.


• We are so lucky to have a great bunch of friends here in Richmond who brought us meals and helped out with babysitting and kept in constant contact with us.


• Then there are our friends and family that live in other parts of the US and around the world, proving that distance is not a problem when there is a friend in need.

Sometime having shoulder to lean on is the best gift someone can give moms and dads.

Why I started this blog?

All right, the important question - why? Well, it's simple, really -- I actually wanted a chance to use the last couple of brain cells I had floating around, and prove that I could still accomplish stuff that was important to me during the day, as well as being super mommy to my two beautiful children Isabella (3 1/2) and Benjamin(6 months), uber wife to my husband Matt (I'd like to think so, we can ask him at a later date :) ), and whipping up a gourmet meal with one kid on my hip and the other one covered from head-to-toe with sand that should have stayed in the sandbox! (Note to self: invent magnetic sand! That'll be to-do item #4,501)

I was inspired to start this blog because I thought stay at home moms could use some space of their own to vent! Yes, I did use the word VENT you know like what happens to a volcano every now and then.

Of course you know what happens if the vent is unable to er...vent? It explodes!

I also think that realising other moms and dads have at some point experienced the same things as you helps. A couple of things that I have experienced are:

• Popcorn seeds and yogos in the nose. Here's a neat trick if that happens to one of your kiddies and they can't blow it out normally: gently pinch the other nostril closed, and put your mouth over theirs like you're doing CPR. A couple of quick, sharp puffs, and you should have the offending bit-o-crap blasting out of your kid's nose at terminal velocity. Just look out for where it lands, or if you're feeling ambitious, go for a new distance record! ;)


• Your kid locking you out of the house (I ripped out a screen window and climbed into my dining room while my daughter yelled her little head off at the front door).


• The same little darling also locked me out of the car and I had to call 911 from my neighbor's house because my cell phone was in my diaper bag. Let me tell you, I felt like the worst mother under the sun as the police officers and firemen wanted to know how she got locked in. She was persuaded to climb out of her seat and open the lock on the door by using a krispy creme donut hole as incentive ( The donut holes were provided by the dashing young police officer, so the rumors are true ;) ).


• And then there is the "Holy Mary Mother of God" diaper incident, AKA my daughter's first attempt at an alphastrike! (For those people who have no idea what I am talking about, it is when you are playing a computer game and want to use all of your weapons at one time. Yes, I am a closet X-Box junkie). My husband and I were on our first trip with our daughter who was 6 weeks old and we were planning on visiting her Grammy and Pop-Pop who live in NJ. Well to make a long story short (and keep our embarassment to a minimum), about halfway there Isabella had a blow-out diaper: it was the stuff of legend, the kind where you wonder where they keep it all?!?! Anyway, we had to pull into a truck stop to change the diaper, clean out the car seat and change the baby's clothes, only to find that we forgot to refill the diaper wipes container and the spare clothes were somewhere in our suitcase! Paper napkins and a bottle of water work just as well, and a new outfit was donned after a frantic search through our weekend bag, which had everything but the kitchen sink! I decided from that point on that I would never be caught without a second set of clothes and enough wipes.

Stay tuned as there is more to come, once the laundry is done, kids are in bed and the dog is fed